My name is Tommy Melburn, but I'm known as just Tommy here. We don't use any last names. I'm not sure how long I've been here, because it's hard to have any concept of time in this place. Sometimes it seems like I've been here forever, but other times it seems like only a moment. I remember very clearly the day I came, but before I tell about that I should try to describe what I remember before that day.

I can't recall many details about where I where I was before I came here, but I remember being in strange surroundings. It was dark and secluded, much different than where I am now, yet it was peaceful. I'm not even sure how long I stayed there, and although I was alone, I wasn't afraid. I heard many voices of all different tones. Sometimes I heard laughter, and other times I heard crying and loud, angry words that frightened me. I heard one voice most often and I liked that one best because it was soft and gentle, and I would often fall asleep to the sound of that voice. I don't remember much of anything else except a sudden surge of pain that permeated throughout me from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes, and after that, nothing.

A strange sensation took hold of me as I felt my whole body change into a form so free and unrestrained. "What's happening to me?" I wondered.

I felt myself rising, and looking up, I saw a face gazing down at me. His strong arms lifted me upwards as he spoke softly to me, and even though I didn't know who he was or where he was taking me, I was content in placing myself in his care. He never smiled, yet there was a pleasant expression on his face. A thick mist surrounded us as we continued to see what was ahead. "He must travel this path often," I thought, "because he knows every curve and detail as if it were second nature to him."

As we pressed on further, he told me about the stars and the planets that we were passing, and he knew every one of them by name! Each was different, and there was something unique about every one of them that distinguished it from all the others. My attention returned to my companion. "Who are you and where are you taking me?" I asked.

"My name is of no importance. I am a messenger for the Caretaker and he wishes you to return to Him because the place where you were was not worthy of you."

I could sense a painful sadness in the way he spoke to me, but I made no response, although my mind was filled with questions and uncertainty.

"Return? How can I return to someone whom I have never met?" This single thought consumed me until I realized that we were no longer moving. Two small words were whispered in my ear that would ring out in my memory for eternity.

"Welcome home."

Out of a darkness a light pierced the black sky like a knife. As if seperated, beams of sunshine burst forth and became larger and more intense, swallowing up the darkness by their radiance. I was blinded and I began to panic until I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard the voice of my friend. "Be patient, Tommy. Let your eyes adjust to seeing as we see."

The haziness became more and more clear, and what I saw made me cry out in frightful joy. Before me was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen; a garden beyond my wildest imagination. It was never-ending, stretching as far as I could see. A river as clear as glass meandered through the garden, and small fish splashed in its streaming waters. Beside it grew lush groves of fruit trees and vines of grapes, which required the pure waters to produce their abundant fruit. Soft grasses swayed in a cool breeze, lightly tickling my legs, and the sweet song of a thousand birds filled my soul with music never heard before by human ears. White orchids, shaded from the sun, dripped with dew and gave off a fragrance as fresh as the morning air. Beyond the river were roses with petals the size of my hand. They grew under flowering trees with buds as pink as the sunset which grew so large that I couldn't see their tops. I tried to walk further into the garden but I was paralyzed by the wonder of its intense beauty. Looking down, I saw something that astounded me even more. I was standing on a path made of pure gold.

In the distance I could see people tending the garden, and they came up to me and spoke kind words of welcome. "We've been waiting for you, Tommy," a man said. This again baffled me. I had just come here, yet they knew my name and they'd been waiting for me.

I continued to watch them. They were so content in their work, and seemed to regard it not as a chore, but as a privilege. Such a spirit of unity encompassed this group as they worked together and enjoyed each other's company. There was no prejudice in this place, no competition, or pain.

I crossed a narrow bridge, and ahead I saw another garden, seperate from the large garden in which I stood. A fence surrounded this garden, and I had to stand on my toes to peer over the top to see what was inside. I saw children! Tens of thousands of children so numerous that it would be impossible to count them all. As I stood back from the fence, my eyes drifted to a sign on the gate that bore the words, "The Caretakers Children." I stared at the sign for so long that those words seemed to be branded to my heart.

A small voice startled me and brought me out of my daze. "Tommy? Is that you?"

A girl about my age looked intensely at me. Her facial features were do tiny, except for herdeep brown eyes that widened as she searched deeply into me. Finally a smile appeared on her lips and her cheeks filled with color. Knowing that I didn't recognize her she said to me, "I'm Trina. you're one of us now. Come with me and I'll show you our brothers and sisters."

She opened the gate and took my hand. Children were everywhere, laughing and playing, loading my arms with flowers. They gathered around me and told me their names, but I know I couldn't remember them all. They soon went back to playing games, splashing in the brook, and catching frogs while I was left alone with Trina. So many questions consumed me that as I tried to organize my thoughts and feelings. I wanted to ask Trina why I was so confused and why I felt so lost in such a beautiful place that was filled with love and goodness. Tears filled my eyes and I turned away so that Trina wouldn't see me cry, but when I opened my eyes, Trina was nowhere in sight. It was a man kneeling beside me, and he slowly and tenderly lifted my head so that we were face to face. He said nothing, and neither did I, but He was reading my soul. Every thought and emotion that I ever felt; every fear, joy, doubt, and pain buried in my heart was drawn into Him. Though my vision was blurred, I could feel his gaze upon my. His eyes were so gentle and He was embracing me, little Tommy Melburn. "You've come back to me," He said.

That look in His eyes was so familiar to me, so comfortable, and I felt as though I had known him before. "I've seen you so often in my dreams," I whispered. "You've come to me in the night, and I remember the sound of your voice calling me." I took His hand, knowing that I would soon learn all I need to know.

He took me around the garden and told me stories about all His special children and how much He loved them. We walked alongside the fence that outlined His garden, and I noticed curious plaques with names on them attached to the picket fence. Underneath the names were two dates, seperated by only a few months. I found Trina's plaque and read what it said:

Katrina Elizabeth Byers
left: August 1, 1992
returned: November 3, 1992

"Why did Trina leave?" I asked Him.

"I chose Trina to go down to Earth and bring life and beauty into it, but she wasn't wanted. Her parents thought she was coming at an inconvenient time and wouldn't allow her to live, so I brought her back here with me, and it is the same for all these others." He pointed to the countless plaques remaining. "How could my own creations reject the gift of a little child? What more could I have given them than the gift of life? And they threw it away!"

"What anguish they must feel," I thought. "To be unwanted and cast away from the very ones who were supposed to love and care for them!" It was all to much for me. I observed every sign, and my heart ached over every name I read, documented forever. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be like one of these children, and how I would feel if I were cast away like all of them, until I no longer had to imagine. I now realized why the Caretaker had brought me into the garden; to find my own plaque.

"Thomas James Melburn," I read aloud. "Left: July 22, 1993. Returned: December 4, 1993."

I never thought about it until then; I had died! I remember what Trina said about me being one of them, but I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want to be dead! I felt cheated because I knew I would never see the beauty of a summer's day or look at my mother's face. No one would ever miss me, even though I was supposed to have been there. No one would know I existed, but I knew, and I wanted to know what I could have been.

There is a plan for everyone's life, born or unborn, and I was determined to know mine. "I want to see my life," I told the Caretaker. "Please show me who I am."

Though His eyes pleaded that I should reconsider, He did not deny me my request. He took my small hand in His large, round one, and I examined it as we walked along. I could tell by the feel of the calluses on His fingers and palms that He worked hard, but His hands were gentle and soothing. I turned His hand so that the palm was towards me, and I saw that there were open wounds that were still bleeding, and I asked Him if they still hurt, and He said, "Yes, and they will never stip bleeding because I always want you to remember what I did for you." I didn't know what to say, and I don't think I could have spoken had I tried.

He led me away from the garden into a room with walls lined with shelves that held millions of books, each with a name on the cover. I found my book and asked Him to read it to me as I sat at His feet and listened. He opened the cover and began to read. Even though I had asked Him to read me my book, I wondered if it would only cause me sorrow, but I had to know. I felt as though my heart was being stabbed as I thought, "This is what I could have been if I only had the chance." My book was illustrated, and I could see every stage of my life in pictures, from my birth until my death.

I was supposed to be born at Emerson County Hospital in Portland, Maine on May 4, 1994. My book said that I was born with over two and a half million hairs on my head; a world record! I had to be proud of that. It talked about my first step, my favorite toys, my best friends, and even my first dog, Buddy. Ever since the beginning, I was a real ladies' man. I got in trouble for kissing a girl in kindergarten class and making her cry. Too bad she didn't know that some day she would be my wife! Maybe she would have appreciated it a little more. I always knew what I wanted and worked hard to get it. I was bright, and after third grade science class, I decided that I was going to be a doctor. I had my first girlfriend during my sophomore year, and that same year my thumb was cut off in a farming accident while I was helping Grandpa Ben in Nebraska. He and I were extremely close and we spent many summers together.

I graduated valedictorian of Emerson High School, recieving a full paid scholarship to Stanford Medical School. I set up my practice in Seattle, working the Radiology department at the largest hospital in the state of Washington. I was awarded several times by Central Hospital for my developments and contributions to the medical team, and I recieved honorary awards and became the youngest doctor in the nation to recieve Chief of Staff.

I met a woman on a business trip and it turned out to be my kindergarten sweetheart, Cecily Williams. We were married the following year and needless to say, she no longer cried when I kissed her. Actually, I think she liked it. Three years after my marriage to Cecily, she developed a brain tumor and died of cancer the next winter. I went into cancer research and in 2019, I discovered a cure for cancer, finding that the cultured chemical phosphoglyceryde propthalenine killed cancerous tissue with no undesirable side effects. I won the Nobel Prize that same year and traveled worldwide, lecturing at universities and research centers. I was head of the medical department at Harvard until my death in 2071.

I closed my eyes and tried to visualize the events of my life in my mind. The Caretaker closed my book and put it back on the shelf with all the others. I was so numb that I couldn't even speak. I could have done so much! I looked up at Him with tears in my eyes and saw that He was weeping. I begged Him to send me back. Maybe this time I would be allowed to stay.

With tears streaming down His face, He said to me, "Tommy, you, like everyone else, had only one chance but it was taken from you. You can never go back, but be happy for this one thing: you are with me now, and I will never reject you. Don't ever blame yourself for what has happened because I made you perfect, but you were cast away by an imperfect world."

Somehow I still felt cheated, slighted, and confused. I grieved for the children who, like me, had never had a chance to live, and I wept for those who would come later. "Why?" I asked myself. I searched for an answer, but I know that there would never be one.

"I never wanted it to be like this, Tommy. It is not what I would have chosen either, but it comes down to the power of choice."

He took me on His knee and held me close to Him. He reached His wounded hand to the shelf of books and brought down a book with a golden cover and a red seal. On the cover were two symbols which I did not recognize.

"This must be His book," I thought. "He is going to read to me about His life . . ."

He didn't read the entire book but opened it to the end and before He began He said to me, "Tommy, I have told you about your life and you will remember, but I don't want you to be sad anymore. Let me take your pain." He read only a small portion of His book, but those few words comforted me: "and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain . . ." With those words, my feelings of hate, sadness, frustration, and rejection were gone.

I will never forget what happened to me and I often think of it. I see more and more children like myself every day, and I wish it would end, but it doesn't. Sometimes I see our Caretaker outside the gate watching us play, and I can see a tear in His eye. He never stops grieving fo r us, but we know that someday, when everything is made right, He will be laughing, and we will no longer call Him the Man of Sorrows